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______ISSUE 1 - Not Much of An Issue One . . .

BELOW: SPIRO WITH PUSSYCAT

Hi folks! Retardo here. I bet you don't know who I am. You probably don't care. Great! I will tell you a fable:

Long time ago in a world far far away two Retards got together to bring the world quality (excuse me for one second . . . gargle, gargle, gargle ) . . . one longing for comfort and insult. And a laugh here and there.

Then I, Retardo, almost died of an ass contusion. Then the other Retard Monobrow, got a brain infection and went into the jungle never to be heard from again. Most of the 20 original issues of the orignal TwoRetards are regrettfully missing now. But in the words of that great seer Sean Hannity, "let now your heart be troubled." Because quite frankly most of it was garbage. Garbage that we spent hours and hours working on, laughing over. Oh god, I am having a anxiety attack. Give me a second . . . gargle, gargle, gargle . . .

Now, years later, after a long stint worshiping the Spaghetti Monster as a Pastafarian, I have disavowed my foolish faith in the invisible outer space gods, and with a retard in hand, we've come to enlighten and
entertain once again. And mourn out losses.

And cerebreate our Gains!

It is a new era, my friends, Black Men rule the world.  So as strange, gay cock at a bar mitzvah, intelligence is on the rise. We must fight together!
On the TV THIS WEEK!
The Assy Nine
- "Nine big bottom Female Latino's take on Miami street gangs in this "no hold's vigilante aint gonna take it no more" Movie of the Week! But their every move turns into a bungled mess due to the women's guffaw-faced stupidity."

Spir and I (Retardo) enjoy drinking Ripple and talking highbrow talk, at least the best we can. Hopefully, I can get him to engage in some conversations here on the website so that you dear readers and gain some valuable insight into how our beautiful minds work. The following is an excerpt from an upcoming conversation.

Retardo: Goddamn you are stupid. The Nut Cracker is not about "A Crazy White Boy" as you put.

Spiro: Yes it is! We shall see who will be licking the other's starfish tonight (Spiro looks on internet)

Spiro: Oh, nevermind!